Loving Her In The Shadow- Sovereignty Read online

  “Fast or slow?”

  “Nicolai,” I moaned, dropping my bag.

  “Fast or slow?” he asked through clenched teeth.

  My body couldn’t take it anymore. No matter how hard I fought against it, the word escaped my lips in a breathy whisper. “Slow.”

  He slid my zipper down, his lips following the trail of my unzipped dress. I inhaled sharply, feeling my legs transform into jelly, but his firm body held me up.

  I threw my head back, moaning his name. “Nicolai.”

  He swiftly pulled my dress down until it was a ring around my ankles. Standing in a strapless nude bra and thong, I knew there was no turning back. I could hear his breathing change as he turned me around. He adjusted himself on his knees and pushed me against the door. Lifting one leg over his shoulder, Nicolai gave me one final look before burying his face into my drenched, nude, lace thong.

  He inhaled my sex, burying his nose further into my wetness. The tip of his nose pressed alongside of my throbbing clit causing me to moan his name. “Nicolai.”

  His mouth opened, spreading my slit as far it could part from behind my lace thong. I slipped my fingers into his silky strands, ready to tug and pull on this ride. With his tongue, he slid my thong to the side and allowed his flat tongue to glide along my opening. I pushed my head back into the door when his mouth wrapped around my clit, sucking and lapping the sensitive bud of nerves. He slowly made love to my pussy.

  Lapping my other leg over his shoulder, Nicolai slid my body up against the door and allowed his stiff tongue to penetrate my pussy hole. Stuck between his face and the door, any ideas of running were long gone. I buried my fingers into his hair, tugging as I neared my orgasm. Usually I’d run to it, but this time I was trying to fight it. I squeezed my thighs around his head, hoping he’d slow each stroke down to make this moment last forever. But, my body couldn’t handle the delay. Before I could even prepare myself for the earth-shattering bliss, I came long and hard against his mouth.

  My body began to convulse, shaking as I came apart. When my breathing got under control and my spasms ceased, Nicolai slowly brought me down to my feet. His head was still very much buried in my pussy even after I began standing on my own. I think my hands buried into his hair and pushing his face into my spent sex might have had something to do with why his flat tongue laid between my slit. With one final sweep from my pussy hole to my clit, Nicolai finally ended his kiss with my nether lips.

  He rose from his knees, taking a step back with hooded eyes, a red mouth, and hair that had been roughed up.

  Before I could process what to do next, he lifted me up and tossed me over his shoulder. He marched us to the bedroom and dropped me onto the mattress. He backed away from me and began stripping out of his clothes until he was completely naked. My heavy gaze traveled along his body. My pussy clenched as I stared at his heavy dick which seemed to grow under my gaze. When my eyes swept up his body to stare into his aroused blues, Nicolai grabbed my ankle and pulled me toward him.

  He parted my thighs and pushed my curled legs back into my shoulders. He carried a cool breeze with him when he lowered his face to my drenched pussy. His eyes feasted on his masterpiece.

  “You are my woman. I claimed you at first sight.” He lowered his mouth, stretching his long tongue out. This man was the gatekeeper of my arousal. He licked his lips and gazed heatedly at me. “If I must fight your fears, I’ll do it. But there’s no way in hell, I’m going to let you go.”

  Are these the complications he’d spoken about?

  The lines were blurry for me—had been for some time. Yet, I was trying to be the woman I used to be. I wanted to be the faithful wife who kept fighting for her marriage. The feelings that I felt for him were like an unwelcomed guest that refused to leave. These feelings made a home inside me no matter how much I kicked and screamed. I had to train my mind to be stronger, to win the war against my emotions.

  “You and I knew there was always an expiration date.”

  “Is that what you think this is?” His lips hovered over my contracting pussy. “A temporary thing?”

  I lifted my pelvis to his face, ready to feel his mouth on me again. “Aren’t flings always temporary?”

  “What we have is not a fling.”

  “I’m married.”

  “You stopped being his wife the moment you became mine.”

  “When did we begin claiming each other? I thought relationships weren’t your thing.”

  “It took a different kind of woman to make me see the world differently. Only destiny knew what this was. How it would play out.” His mouth parted over my pussy again with lazy tongue strokes that teased my clit. We stared at each other as his lips kissed my nether lips.

  “Come fuck me, baby.” I ran my fingers through his hair and lifted his head slightly. “Come take care of this pussy.”

  “You want me to take care of my pussy?” he asked, as he crawled between my thighs.

  “Come take care of your pussy,” I moaned as the back of my head sunk into the mattress.

  “Open your eyes,” he commanded when the tip of his dick pressed against my entrance. “You know I like it when you watch me fuck you.”

  Like was an understatement. I loved watching him fuck me.

  I opened my eyes. If this was going to be our last time, it was going to be no different than the other times. He held my gaze and slowly pushed the wide mushroom tip inside. Like always, I struggled to keep my eyes from rolling to the back of my head.

  “Fuck,” he said through gritted teeth. “It’s been too long since I’ve had my pussy.”

  Each stroke was slow and merciless as my legs rested over his shoulders. My eyes remained on him. I moaned his name and fought with the emotions wrestling in my chest. We both knew that he was right, but it was easier to deny than to acknowledge my feelings in public.

  He rolled his legs to balance on his knees, wrapped his large hands around my waist, and lifted my pelvis up.

  “Nicolai!”

  God, he’d gone deeper, pressing his veiny dick against my G-spot. I closed my eyes.

  “Open your eyes baby,” he groaned, slamming my pussy onto his dick. “Let me see the world through your eyes.”

  I lifted lazy hooded eyelids up to watch him through thin slits.

  “You’re my earth, my moon, my sun. I don’t deserve you, woman, but I know that you were created just for me. What we have is soul deep. That means there’ll never be an expiration date when it comes to us. My heart will always find you in every lifetime.”

  This was wrong, I tried to convince myself as tears spilled down the sides of my cheeks. He continued slamming into me, growling in Italian as my orgasm chased my sanity away.

  “I’m gonna cummm! I’m gonna—” I cried out in ecstasy as my orgasm took control of all of my senses.

  He lowered my pelvis on to the bed. My sex clenched his dick, locking him in place. He dropped kisses along the tracks of my tears. It seemed the more he kissed my tears, the more they fell. The words from my heart fought to come out. I was too scared to hear the words that chewed on my chest. The truth was hidden in my heart, until now. I wanted to reject the truth, but it was bubbling in my throat, choking me.

  “I love you.”

  He froze. The bones in his face morphed, setting into a different countenance.

  I immediately regretted my truth coming out of hiding. We never explored his aversion about relationships. I guess I wanted to avoid the conversation about Keith, as well as not make what we had more than what it was. But who the hell was I kidding?

  Somewhere along the way, the lines we stood behind got blurred. We had created the perfect world and I was willing to remain there forever had Keith not showed up. I hadn’t put much effort into not falling in love with him. It just happened. But now I regretted not doing more to prevent it.

  “I’m sorry.” A tear slid down my cheek. “I never meant to...”

  A storm of emotions brewed in his eyes,
rendering me speechless. The rest of my words hung in my throat, unable to come out. I reached out to touch his face, but he caught my hand and pinned it to the mattress. He grabbed my other hand and pinned it above my head. His grip was firm but not painful. He pushed his dick all the way inside like my pussy was a plug. Naturally, my walls contracted around his veiny dick, causing his eyes to slightly flutter. But he regained control and allowed his heavy length to sink my pussy into the bed. My thighs shook. I didn’t know how much farther they could stretch.

  “Say it again.” His tone was unearthly.

  I shivered, horrified he was forcing me to admit the truth out loud again. This time, it didn’t come out as easily as it had the first time. If there was ever a time that I’d felt self-conscious around him, this would be the time.

  “I…I...” I clamped my mouth shut, unable to repeat what I had said. “Please, Nicolai…”

  He released one of my wrists and grabbed my neck. “Say it.”

  “I—I love you.”

  Freed from whatever possessed him, his hips began to move, slow at first until he began slamming into me. It was rough, hard, and bordered on pain and bliss. He held my neck in his hand as his body bucked into mine. He released my other hand, slid his hand between our bodies, and pressed his thumb against my clit.

  A cry tore from my lips. “Nicolai.”

  “Say it again,” he commanded.

  “Oh God, baby! Oh God!”

  “Say it!”

  “I love…I love you!” All the bones in my body locked as another orgasm coursed through me. An earthshattering scream rose from the pit of my stomach, but nothing came out.

  He kicked his head back and screamed, “Reign!”

  He emptied all of himself into me, painting my insides with his cum. Heavy shudders escaped his body as he collapsed on top of me.

  His dick remained inside me long after our orgasm brought us back down to earth. His heavy body pressed into mine as his head rested between my breasts. I stroked his hair while our heartbeats melded. This was the most peace that I’d felt all week. Lying in his bed had been the most natural thing, almost like I really was home. My eyes grew heavy. Unable to fight the sleep any longer, my eyes closed.

  Maybe a nap won’t be so bad. It was still light outside. As much as I wanted to get an early start on the road, it was looking more like we were leaving tomorrow morning than tonight.

  “Say it again.”

  “I love you, Nicolai, and I think I always will,” I said before slipping into a peaceful sleep.

  Reign

  When I woke up, it was night. Shit. So much for a quick nap.

  I looked over to the side of the bed that Nicolai usually slept on. His side was empty, but there was an indent in his pillow and the sheets on that side were slightly wrinkled. I figured he got up recently. I ran a hand down my face and dragged my body out of the bed. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and took a shower. After getting dressed, I left the bedroom and walked down the hallway. The light in the kitchen was on. I figured Nicolai was in the kitchen.

  But when I rounded the corner, the kitchen was empty. Instead, a note with my bag sat on the counter. I looked at the front door. My dress he’d peeled off my body earlier by the front door was gone. I grabbed the note from the counter and read it:

  An emergency came up. I’ll be home soon. Don’t leave.

  I couldn’t stay. I reached inside of my bag and pulled out a pen. I flipped the note over and wrote.

  I meant what I said. I do love you, very much. But I am married and

  I have to be the best wife I can be.

  Unfortunately, that means not being with you. Until

  I close this chapter in my life, I can’t carry on with you.

  I left the note on the counter and walked back to the bedroom that had my walk-in closet. I looked around the custom boutique-style closet before willing myself to pack everything. Instead of folding everything neatly, I stuffed my duffle bags and suitcase. By the time I was done, the closet was empty. I wiped the vanity down and made sure the closet was clean. I returned to his bedroom and made the bed. I returned to the bathroom and grabbed my shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, and toothpaste. I tried to transform his apartment back to the way it had looked.

  As I dragged my bags to the door, I tried not to think about what I was leaving behind—who I was leaving behind. I had to remain strong and firm in my decision. I accepted the fact that I would not get the closure that I wished to have. I don’t think lost loves ever get closure.

  I opened the front door and walked out.

  The drive back to my place was emotional. Yet, I tried to keep my emotions contained. I didn’t want to raise any red flags with Keith so that he wouldn’t pry. I needed all of his energy to be poured into his upcoming treatment. I decided to leave my bags in the car after parking. There was no point in dragging everything back inside when we were going to be leaving for D.C.

  After parking in the residents’ garage, I hopped on the elevator and got off on the fifteenth floor where my apartment had been.

  My legs felt heavier with each step. When I stood in front of my door, I inhaled and exhaled a few times before inserting my key into the slot. I unlocked the door and twisted the knob.

  “Keith?” I hollered when I stepped inside. “I’m home.”

  No response.

  I dropped my keys and bag on the console table near the entrance and walked further into my apartment. The smell of baked chicken hung in the air. Baked chicken was his favorite dish.

  The Knicks game was playing on the TV in the living room; however, Keith was nowhere in sight. I turned to the direction of my bedroom. My bedroom light peeked from the cracked bedroom door. I headed down the hallway and pushed open my bedroom door.

  “Keith?”

  No response. I looked to the master bathroom where the shower was running. I opened the bathroom door. Fog and a strong smell greeted me.

  “Hey, I’m home.” Instead of entering the bathroom, I walked over to my bedside table where my cordless charger was. I lay my phone against the charging pad and began stripping out of my clothes.

  I tossed on leggings and a t-shirt. “Thanks for getting started on dinner,” I said, entering the bathroom. I glanced at the stand-up shower. It was empty.

  I saw Keith in the tub. His long locs were free of the woven style he often kept his hair in.

  “Why would you have the shower running if you’re taking a bath?” I asked as I turned the latch to cut off the streaming showerhead. When he didn’t respond, I walked over to the tub. His head lulled forward, his chin pressing against his chest as if he was sleeping. I reached out, stroking his locks. “Hey, wake up.”

  When he didn’t stir awake, I lifted his head to see his brown eyes wide open.

  “Quit playing,” I chuckled, as I pulled his head back. The smile I had moments before dropped as my eyes froze over the blood that dripped down Keith’s neck.

  “Oh my God!” I jumped back, slamming against the counter. “Keith?”

  This can’t be happening! He’s not…he’s not dead.

  My breathing began to change as I felt the onset of a panic attack. I shuffled out of the bathroom, holding on to my chest as I reached for my cell phone. I knocked down my lamp in the process as I fought for air to remain in my lungs.

  I grabbed my cell phone and continued shuffling out to the bedroom, down the hallway, wheezing. When I made it to the front door, I unlocked the bottom and squeezed the sides of my cell phone which activated the SOS feature. It was the last thing I remembered as I collapsed and everything went black.

  When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I looked around the room. It was empty save for the bed and machines that were hooked up to me. What the hell am I doing here? Frantic, I rose up a lot quicker than I should have because the room started to spin all around me. I looked down at the IV line that had been inserted and snatched it out of my arm. The heart monitor started beeping louder and
faster. I snatched the lead placements that had been monitoring my heart off of my chest.

  “Ma’am.” A nurse burst through the door with another nurse following her. “Let’s get you back into the bed.”

  “What am I doing here?” I asked, horrified. “I’m not going back into the bed until someone tells me what is going on!”

  An older black woman wearing a white coat entered the room. “Ms. Johnson, I’m Megan St. Preux. I’m a nurse practitioner.”

  “Where am I?”

  “You’re in the cardiac intensive care unit. You were brought here last night. Can I please help you back into the bed so that we could talk some more?”

  I scanned her face, searching for deception. I found none. I nodded my head and allowed the nurses to help me back into the bed. After inserting a new PICC line on the opposite arm and reattaching the telemetry lead placements across my chest and back, Megan asked everyone to leave the room.

  I turned to her. “Are you going to tell me why I’m here?”

  “What’s the last thing you remember?” she asked instead.

  Flashbacks of red water in a tub and Keith’s eyes rose to the surface. It felt like a cork had been placed in my lungs, stopping all air from coming in and out. I shot tearful eyes at Megan. She held my hand as the heart monitor started beeping faster.

  “Ms. Johnson, just breathe. Look at me. Breathe in,” she directed as she inhaled loudly. “Breathe out.”

  She repeated the same process a few more times before my breathing stabilized.

  “My husband, Keith. He was in a tub—”

  A knock on the door cut me off. When Megan tried to release my hand, I squeezed it. “Don’t worry, I’m here.”

  When she opened the door, two men dressed in cheap suits entered the room.

  “Can I help you?”

  “I’m Detective Smith and this is Detective Mitchell. We’re from the homicide unit down at the 120th precinct. We have a few questions we’d like to ask Ms. Johnson since she’s up.”